Childhood Stressors

It is often said that children of this time don't have half the stressful events or life as children from my parents time. I know me personally, I defiantly didn't, but here are still some out there that had hard lives that are my age. 

When my mom and dad were growing up as young, mixed kids they were the image of poverty. My mom was the older daughter of a maid and construction work, while my dad was the product of a maid and her boss. Both grow up hard and had families that struggled just to have food and fresh water. I can remember my mom telling us stories of her upbringing. One story still makes me cry to this day and is one of the main reasons I want to open a homeless/food service shelter. Her story started when she was in middle school and her family would come to the local middle school (which I had attended) and they would take bags of cafeteria food/trash home. They would sort this trash taking out hot dogs and old hamburger patties and rinsing them to freeze for dinners. Some would have unopened milk bags that were also rinsed and saved. When they were lucky they would find forks, spoons, and knives that were accidentally thrown out by the students (my mom still has some of this silver ware). The rest of the food would be reheated outside and feed to the pigs, so they wouldn't have to pay for feed. This story makes me understand that poverty is not something the "others" suffer from; it's something anyone can go through and live. My mom struggled most of her childhood, being the second mother for her 11 siblings and even staying home until she was 27 bringing her pay check to assist her parents. She also tells the story of how her and her siblings saved for months to purchase a 2$ can on Manwich, because the commercials made it look so delicious, but when they got it home and opened it they didn't have enough to get the meat to go with it (they didn't know it was a two part meal). Many kids my age have no clue what that type of life is; they see money as not important and don't know the struggle some people have for the 2$ can of Manwich. Growing up my parents made us have a 5 acre garden for vegetables and fruits, we went fishing and hunting for meats; no we didn't have to do that financially, but to teach us about life.

 As an example of someone my age living in poverty, would be my husband. Growing up his parents also struggled to put food on the table and clean clothes on his back. His dad worked at Church's Chicken and his mom was a stay-at-home mom taking care of 5 kids. Mr. Logan would bring left over chicken and sides home any time they had them available, but some nights they just had bread and water. He had to wear his sisters' hand-me-down shoes and pants to school; where the kids were horribly cruel. My husband still to this day has confidence issues with being able to have the nicest things for our family. My son has to have name brand clothing and diaper bags, we go on lavish trips, and he makes sure I need for nothing; all because he knows how it feels to have nothing. I personally, grew up on a budget, I love going to the Goodwill's and Thrift shops, he on the other hand refuses to wear anything second hand or not name brand. We grew up in drastically different lifestyles, my parents giving me the world and his giving him what they had. I can appreciate his views and he understands mine, but we still struggle with raising our son to understand,  just because we have it doesn't mean to be mean to those who don't.

On one of a vacations, we went to Jamaica Island. When you land on the Island everything is
extremely nice and "shiny" it seems prefect. However, when you journey outside the golden gates you enter an island of hell. Outside the tourism gates, one sees the true nature of Jamaica; poverty, gangs, homeless, and people begging for any type of help you can offer them.  The only really income on the island is tourism and drugs; there is only the really rich and the extremely poor. Surprisingly, the people we met outside the gates were rather upbeat and loved life; I couldn't up but think they didn't really know the other life to even be able to miss it. I was immediately disgusted by the cultural differences with the same group and didn't want to give my money to the people in the gates. My husband and I decided to venture outside the gates the entire trip, attempting to remain safe at all times (when they knew/assumed you were of wealth, they would kidnap or rob you). We ate at the small street cafes and purchased clothes and gifts from shack stores. The trip that started as a vacation, ended as an eye opener to our life. When we got home we decided to do more volunteer work for the homeless and food shelters. I started a program at my school to feed the needy students and their families especially around holidays. I know these are small accomplishes, but we have to start somewhere to eventually make a big differences. That one meal for a student could be a life saver.

 

The Power of Breast feeding

    As part of my current career I have a professional obligation to inform newly pregnant and young parents about the power of breast milk. It is easier said then done, however, in today's world people are taken aback by the idea of actually breastfeeding their children. In the modern culture breasts are seen as a sexual item, therefore completely off limits for providing any type of nutritional value to their potential offspring. During the infant nutrition section of my course, I make sure to point out the long list of benefits and the extremely short draw-backs to breastfeeding. I also like to make it know to my students that there are not just two choices: to breastfeed or to formula feed. There are actually three choices with the third being to choose to bottle feed-breast milk. This is the feeding selection I chose when I had my son last summer. I  understood the limitless value of my motherly "liquid GOLD," yet wanted to ensure my preemie child was getting the correct amount of food during each feeding. I also wanted my husband to have to ability to bond with our son through feeding him. It is widely understood that mothers create this unmatched bond with their children through the prenatal period and even more bonding happens during the closeness of breastfeeding. I knew my husband couldn't breastfeed or grow our baby, so the next best thing is to allow him to participate in the nurturing of our son through bottle feeding breast milk. I clearly remember when I had successfully pumped a minimal 6 ounces of this " liquid GOLD" and when I was going to put the nipple of the bottle I spilt it down the sink drain. After that horrible situation, I also remember having a complete break down, it felt like everything I had work so hard for had literally went down the drain, I cried for about 30 minutes. I had to regroup, wipe my tears, and start pumping again- I knew this was the only thing my son was getting to eat and crying wasn't going to feed him. I tell my students this story, of course they laugh at my melt down, but they see the relevance and connection between stories. It lets them see that even though I am an adult, married, have a career, and all this supportive family- I too need help, I too have moments of helplessness and fear. It is suggested to all new parents to at least feed their children breast milk during the first two months of life, normally that two months is the during the 6-8 week recovery time, so it's a little easier to manage. I understand the struggle with wanted to breastfeed and not having the proper environment to pump or breastfeed in. Luckily, I was off over the summer when I had my son, so I was able to breastfeed for about four months, but when school started back up in August I was overwhelmed with the idea of being trapped in a "closet" to pump every two hours. I eventually had to switch to formula for convenience issues, but I know I gave my son the best start by at least feeding him breast milk for those 4 months.
 When doing research on breastfeeding in other countries Africa kept popping up. Africa has a "double edged sword" effect when regarding breastfeeding. According to WHO and UNICEF, Africa  has the highest AIDS/HIV percentage in the world, unfortunately they also have one of the worst water filtration systems. Breastfeeding is a cultural tradition in most countries of Africa, however formula feeding is on the raise. Formula feeding is gaining popularity in African villages and cities as a sign of status, only those that have money are able to purchase the high-priced breast milk substitute. Regardless of the income status of the person purchasing the formula, the water used to make the formula is still the same. In the 1970's Nestle was put on trial for providing mothers in third world countries with formula that was less nutritious and more expensive then breast milk, but marketed as "better than the real thing." "The Baby Killer," which was a booklet published by War on Want organization in 1974 was a compete whistle blower on the formula scandal. The booklet accused Nestle of getting families "hooked" on the milk substitute in three ways:

1. Creating a need where none existed. 
2. Convincing consumers the products were indispensable. 
3. Linking products with the most desirable and unattainable concepts—then giving a sample.

    Unfortunately, the exact opposite was happening in the North America and Europe, researchers were proving that breastfeeding was on the rise and that it was much healthier and nutritious for babies. This switch effect is what caused companies like Nestle to start a gorilla style marketing style of targeting the less educated, struggling, women wanted to transcend their income ceiling. Even still today, new mothers strangely start receiving formula samples in the mail soon after their first OBGYN visit, regardless of HIPPA laws personal information seems to get out to big producing companies. The big issue in third world countries such as Africa is that one cannot clearly side one way or the other. If a doctor says breastfeeding is the best, that mother may have AIDS/HIV and now the child is at extreme risk of contracting (if he/she doesn't already have the disease) or if the doctor suggests formula the water most likely is tainted which can also lead to malnutrition and/or death of the child.
  Just like anything dealing with your children, it is a personal choice to breastfeed or not. In countries like the United States, where there are not normally any water filtration issues of disease outbreak, it is suggested to breastfeed or bottle feed breast milk your children for at least the first 2 months of life. However, in third world areas of Africa, Asia, or Latin America it is suggested to go with doctor recommendation regarding feeding children, there are too many variables and possible issues related to each specific area that it really depends on each child/family situation.

Reference:
Kuhn, L., & Stein, Z. (1997). Infant Survival, HIV Infection, and Feeding Alternatives in Less-Developed Countries.           American Journal Of Public Health,87(6), 926-931.

Martucci, W. C., & Coverdale, B. (2001). A STATE LAW TRENDS AFFECTING BREAST-FEEDING AT WORK. Employment Relations Today (Wiley), 28(2), 111-121.

Tzuriel, D., & Weller, L. (1986). Social and Psychological Determinants of Breast-Feeding and bottle-Feeding Mothers. Basic & Applied Social Psychology, 7(2), 85-100.

When I become pregnant I decide to do a lot of research on which birthing plan and pregnancy experience was right for me. When doing my "research" I also chose to subscribe to multiple journals and magazines including baby Zone.
One issue in 2011 baby Zone I came across a great article about pregnancy and baby care customs from around the world. This article listed 10 or so customs reported from around the world, but the main idea was true in all the cultures.
        "From Syria to Sri Lanka, some rules appear universal—less tuna, more water, and no soft cheese. Don't sleep on your stomach or your back; the left side is best. Want a smarter baby? Play music for your belly, preferably classical. Swimming and yoga are great exercise… but you'll need a note in Italy (Curley Mathews, 2010). For every similarity, there are ten differences in each place. I found it strange that in some countries doctors requested patients to stop eating fresh fruits, but allowed them to drink wine and coffee. All cultures and countries have different beliefs, many of which are not based on any true medical finding. I also teach child development and teen parenting, so I show my students films on "old wives tales" and "strange cultural beliefs about pregnancy"; so many of the ideas in this article I had already heard. Most of the beliefs revolve around eating habits, proper weight gain, breastfeeding, housework, and newborn/child care( Curley Mathews, 2010).
   I saw this come true in my own pregnancy and birthing experience and even now raising my son; my husband and my families are completely different, so we face challenges daily when it comes to "does and don'ts. Blending together cultures can be extremely hard, because both sides swear their ideas are superior to the other; it defiantly puts the parents in an awkward situation of picking sides.
  As a new or "old" parent, we have to figure out what works best for our child and family. It is hard at first to let other people know how you feel about certain ideas and beliefs, but it is important to learn how to handle situations on your own and understand you are doing what is best for your child. It was hard to tell my mom she had to leave after staying to help for 2 months (this is part of our culture, but my husband started feeling pushed out), but to maintain a happy home I had to politely state our feelings; she actually understood. Same situation with his mother, he had to eventually explain our new family religious views, and she took our thoughts and understood it was our life and our choices.

Reference

Curley Mathews, C. (2011). 10 surprising pregnancy and baby care customs from around the world. Retrieved from http://www.babyzone.com/pregnancy/is-it-safe/surprising-pregnancy-and-baby-care-customs_71534

Personal Pregnancy Experience

     My husband and I were married on 9-10-11 and were for some strange reason extremely eager to start a family. We, to my surprise, got pregnant the next month and were off to the races! I absolutely loved being pregnant, minus the unending nauseasness and weight gain. I remember throwing up in Bed, Bath and Beyond, pulling over on the interstate, throwing up in front of my high school students, I could go on and on about the whoas of my experience.   Things for me really got better at around 6 months, I wasn't sick anymore and had come to terms with gaining weight, so I was able to actually embrace pregnancy.
      I am the fashion design teacher at my local high school, so around 7 months the class started planning the annual school fashion show, which at the time I was excited about. Slowly the show became a burden and I quickly realized being a fashion show director wasn't going to be easy while being 8 months pregnant. My students and coworkers were a huge help, even inviting me to be a presenter at graduation and chaperone at prom.
       My husband best friend planned his wedding on mother's day and of course being me I had to drive 6 hours to attending the wedding, which I pretty much missed the entire thing. That same night I start experiencing back pain and noticed what I thought was the "plug." I made my husband drive me home the next morning and scheduled an appointment for that week. I remember begging my doctor to check to be sure I was not dilating and even do a heart beat check. She pretty much told me I was over-reacting and she was sure I was not dilated. After begging and even crying, my husband decided to tell the doctor we were not leaving until she check me and the baby. Upon checking us she realized I was 2 centimeters, but the baby was fine. She now wanted to put me on bed rest, but I told her I had the fashion show that Thursday and could not leave my students out to dry. When that Wednesday came, I had to pick up over 150 garments for the show, make sure all the models were in place, check sound and music, and just be everywhere at once. It was overwhelming and completely draining; I knew I made a bad choice. All of my students and coworkers were noticing my discomfort and that afternoon I applied for a substitute for Friday. I again made a horrible choice when I decided to attend my baby shower 6 hours away with my husbands family. I was completely uncomfortable and knew I was in labor, but continued to deny it. We were able to stay at the shower for 1 hour and I was ready to go, I refused to go to the hospital in a small town, just in case I was in labor I knew the hospital there was not going to be able to care for my premature son. We drove 6 hours back to Houston, Texas, straight to Texas Woman's Hospital. Unfortunately, I was in pre-term labor; the doctors were able to stop the labor with multiple medications, however I was now forced to be on bed rest at the hospital for the next two weeks. I am a naturally social and energetic person, so being trapped in a hospital room was complete torture for me. To top my experience, the day I was being discharged I was up early cleaning my room and getting ready to leave, the nurse came in and explained I needed to be monitored one last time before being discharged. I annoyingly laid down to get the monitor strapped on, I watched the clock eagerly for my 30 minutes to be over, 10 minutes left on the countdown and what happened!! Of course, my water breaks! Now the day I am being discharged I am in real labor and defiantly in shock and completely overwhelmed with the entire situation.  I had 6 different labor and delivery nurses and three doctors, none of which were mine. I could eat for 27 hours and being a hypoglycemic person I was in need of some sugar. My husband ran to Target to get an IPad, mom made it back, sister made it, and my close friend was there too. I was determined to have a nature birth, well that was until I was 8 centimeters and I felt like I was dying, so my husband talked me into getting an epidural (HEAVEN!) 11 hours later at 8;45pm we had our beautiful son; June 1, 2012, 4 pounds 13 ounces. He was born at 34 weeks, so he was rushed to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit where he stayed for 2 weeks. He was able to come home and has be growing bigger and healthier every day! Now my little man is 20 pounds and walking at 9months. I am so blessed everything worked out for the best. Even though I feel I had an extremely hectic and overwhelming pregnancy and birthing experience, I would not change it for the world. (I do not, however, plan on having any more children.... at least not any time soon!)

Thanks for the support!!

Over the past  2 months my journey towards a new career and better future for my family has became clearer and clearer. It was awesome to have all of my colleagues' and professor's support. I learned a lot in just one course, making me understand I have taken a great first step. I have been allowed to not only get support, but also give my support to others.
 Thanks again for all the support and never-ending resources and experiences you have search with me, making my journey smoother.

"In ordinary life we hardly realize that we receive a great deal more than we give, and that it is only with gratitude that life becomes rich."

Dietrich Bonhoeffer